We all have a drug of choice. Or perhaps, even more than one. It’s not just the cigarettes, the alcohol, or the narcotic drugs. We find different ways to get away from ourselves; to entertain ourselves.
Perhaps, sometimes, it does hurt to be with oneself. We try to keep ourselves distracted, from all the abuse we face. We distract ourselves by binge watching television, overworking at the office, binge eating, drowning ourselves in social media, medication, or… even abuse itself.
Yes, abuse, to many of us, is the drug of choice to distract ourselves from what we’d have to face otherwise.
When we aren’t engaging our minds with entertainment, our brains are wired, for some primeval survival mechanism, to be skeptic about specific past life events, because of all the abuse. Abuse, apparently, has spared no one.
There’s a certain book which gave me much clarity on this subject, to begin with. It’s called ‘Right Recovery For You’, by Marilyn Bradford. And, I appreciate the way she clarifies things.
– If someone searches your cupboard, looks into your diary, or swipes your phone, it’s a privacy abuse.
– If someone tells you how specifically you must practice worship, it’s a spiritual abuse.
– If someone shames you publicly, or repeatedly criticizes you for who you are, it’s a psychological abuse.
– If someone you’re officially dependant on, financially, denies you of money for your basic needs, and tells you to earn it yourself, knowing that you’re struggling with the very possibility of it, it’s financial abuse.
And, sometimes, we’re just made to feel wrong about ourselves, because of who we are. We may come across circumstances where our own personal preferences, and ways of life, forced to be rationalized and justified. And, we often have to come up with something to do just that, lest we get called as ‘confused’, or ‘riddiculous’, or ‘paranoid’, or ‘oversensitive’, or ‘irrational’.
How often have we had to project ourselves as ‘sick’, or ‘broke’, or ‘stupid’, or ‘evil’, just because that’s the only tag which would make sense to those who question our very lives? And, we just have to live with the tags, because it pleases them to know that we remember how wrong we are? Really?
We can’t press charges against such abuses, because it’s just accepted by some parts of society.
And, the drugs of choice often begin with the self-abuse of blaming and judging ourselves for all the abuse. We even abuse ourselves, with these very DoCs which we use to escape from the abuse.
And, not all sexual abuses are physical. Some of them can’t even be described. Perhaps, it’s because sexual abuse has a trending definition, from which our experiences might stray from. Or, perhaps, because the abuser is just not ‘abuser material’.
Moreover, even if we could, how much of a difference does a #MeToo post really make for some of us when the social media has a clearly competitive algorithm?
The illusion of being alone with all the abuse we face is just an extension of it.
I wish I could conclude this note by providing a Utopian solution to end all abuse. But, we’re not here to fix anything. We may only recognize things as they are, and let go of the pain which doesn’t serve us.
Perhaps, we could begin with the essential first step of being with oneself, even if it’s uncomfortable.